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THE BASICS
The Boot, the Bonnet
Count of Countless Checkered Flags.
& Commander Cooper
Translation, mates: this MINI's a real
go-er. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Say
With a British car comes some rather
no more. Good show. Cheers.
foreign English terminology. The following
are a few terms you can now use to
Detailing
impress your "mates": The "boot" is the
How to remove greasy prints, onlooker
bit around the back. It's where you stick
drool spatters and road grime to restore
the cricket bats and the take-away fish-
your MINI's lustrous factory finish:
n-chips. The "bonnet" is that brilliant
Step 1. Maintain proper perspective.
piece of sculpted sheet metal symmetry
MINI owners do not irrationally obsess
covering the Cooper (S) bits. That's
about such things. Bug guts on the grille
"Commander John Cooper" to you
and muddy fenders are signs of a healthy,
cheeky Yank blokes— British Racing
Royalty's Monarch of Modified
Transverse-Mounted Engines, Earl of
Acceleration, Duke of Hairpin Turns,
Fig. 1 MINI Inkblot Test – Seeing bug splatters is
a healthy sign you're discovering your MINI's
true personality.
Fig. 2 Your MINI turns a car wash into a foam party! [Refer to Making Room for Romance Section]
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well-motored life. Imagine it's like tooling
around town in a Jackson Pollock original.
But every now and then, you may want
to start over with a clean canvas.
Step 2. Always use a soft sponge and mild
biodegradable soap. Land and sea creatures
are our friends.
Assigned Cabin Seating
Technically speaking, everyone motors in
a MINI. The conventional nomenclature
of "driver" and "passenger" no longer
applies because it segregates, implying
THE BASICS
one is active while another is passive.
In a MINI, all are actively engaged in
the enjoyment of motoring. However,
there are a few specific responsibilities
by seat assignment:
1. Pilot/Motorer (a.k.a. El Capitan,
Skipper, Mac Daddy). In charge of
mechanical functions and direct
operation of the motor vehicle. Period.
2. Navigator (a.k.a. Co-Pilot, First Mate,
Little Buddy). Responsible for: 1) Navi-
gation. 2) Operation of MINI Magical
Motoring Ball (See fig. 12). 3) Fast food
drive-thru item checklist and Beverage
Stabilization (BevStab). (See Fig. 3). 4)
Interior hood release. 5) Also in charge of
stowing maps, souvenir snow globes,
and scouting for photo op. locations.
3. Passengers (a.k.a. Crew, Backseat
Drivers). In a MINI, suggestions from the
peanut gallery are encouraged. Motoring
is a democratic act. Tyrannical control
may lead to mutiny on the highway.
4. Cabin Attendants (a.k.a. Passengers).
Responsible for in-flight meal and beverage
service. And implementing emergency
comedic procedures in event of sudden
loss of cabin levity.
Fig. 3 Beverage Stabilization in Action.
Notice how the passenger tilts the cup
precisely seven degrees (above) compen-
sating for the centrifugal forces acting
upon the beverage as a result of your
MINI's tight cornering performance (left).
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